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Dear Mr. Ailes:
One of my CIA interrogators (I call him the good cop, inshallah) was very kind to agree to get this message to you. As you know I have now been moved from one lair to another. They, of course, want me to speak and, speak I will, but as you and I know, in this world, nothing is free anymore, especially speech.
I still remember with pleasure the many "consideration$' that your Fox News Channel provided our Ministry of Information. You got visas. You got access. I even let Geraldo in against my better judgment. (I drew the line at O'Reilly!) And I don't think we disappointed you. Fox is "Number One," thanks to the war in Iraq and the role I played in making it appear to have been a real conflict, a "Showdown with Saddam" (smile, smile, wink, wink).
How many of your viewers did I scare straight to their TV sets? Plenty. How many hit the remote? Very few. I was pleased to read that Fox was again "Number One" in the coverage of my "capture." (Did you like the beard? The "hole thing?" I thought you would.)
So I have a proposal that will benefit us both. What good am I to your viewers dead? Having me around will keep them coming back. And why stop at news coverage? You showed that even a convicted felon like Oliver North could be rehabilitated with a TV slot. Why not me? I am sure you know that the man you called "comical Ali," my minister of Information Al-Sahhaf (I loved the beret-picked it out myself) now has his own talk show on Abu Dhabi TV. And, praised be the One I praise, it is doing great in all demos. He lost one job and gained another. He is famous for being famous.
I am sure, inshallah, I could do even better for Fox.
The Saddam Show would send your ratings through the roof. Imagine the calls, the hype, the publicity for a show with the man everyone loves to hate. Think of the promos -- "he's bad-and he's back" dun, dun, dun. If the show works, we might discuss a channel. The Pentagon considered the last one I had so powerful that they had to blow it up to tune us out. It did big numbers. It could again.
Please share this proposal with Mr. Murdoch. Give me a year's guarantee, in prime time and I will continue to make TV history for you. You and I both know: bad guys do better, I tried to raise this idea of a TV special between me and Bush when I spoke with Dan Rather before the war but he didn't get it. What do liberals know? CNN was never grateful for all we did for them either. They made a fortune here thanks to the first Gulf War.
Now it is your turn. I know you, and you alone, have the "contacts" to get me out of here.
Don Rumsfeld will hate the idea-initially, but henny penny, he can be brought around. Chalabi could become my Fred McMann. I already talked to him.
Alas, I have no agent at the moment but I will be happy to become yours. No price is too low. And as you know I passed my last health check: the world knows I have no bugs in my hair or WMD in my mouth.
You are beating CNN in America. With me in the line up, you can do the same globally.
Sorry, I have to go. The sodium pentathol is ready.
All praises to thy name. Foxes are always Number One!
Saddam.
PS: Save the signature. You can auction it off on EBAY.
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News Dissector Danny Schechter writes a daily blog for MediaChannel.org. He is the author of "Embedded: Weapons of Mass Deception--how the media failed to cover the war on Iraq.(Prometheus)
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JUST FOR THE RECORD:
The findings of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution are summed up by I Want Media: "The capture of Saddam Hussein more than tripled the viewership of CNN (1.97 million viewers Sunday), though ratings leader Fox News Channel still won the day (2.32 million viewers)."
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